Hello, I am theo:)

Monday, October 31, 2005 { 3:13 AM }

went baq to skul today for tt stupid tourguide thingy. n i'm partnered with celeste! yay~ dhen we cn cnotinue n tok abt np lar..cant imagine wat will happen mahz, n when the two of us were like introducing the things, i was like so nervous lar..n wat skul founders say until ancestors, walao..but i cant think of anithing le mahz. n she kip cutting us wan..but nvm. tml is depavali..n u c arh, there's two holis this week lar, n in between we all haf to go to skul lar, jus like a skul week. haiz..skul break le, n we still so ke lian..haiz. rather boring now a days, but i haf to enjoy myself as much as possible!

Thursday, October 27, 2005 { 6:22 AM }

tuday had amazing race. haiz. vv tired. we like run here n dere larz. i was like hafing stomachache loh..n i had to endure all the way to the end. but..towards the end we r like walking le. not like running animore. vv such an xperience. n sumthing embarrass happened to me, it's onli when i reached home, dhen i found out. stupid me. wonder where tt thingy started. okies. we went ard singapore, form an indian temple to memorial park, dhen to labrador park, after tt to kk hospital n lastli..which we didnt manage to make it, novena church. o mien. we chould've gotten there lorx. as in, i noe the place well enough tt we cn like reach there n b done with it in like vv quickli. all bcuz of tt labrador park lar. it was like a mountain okies? all uphill one. so we like ran all the way up larz. when we return, we were given a short route to take by this uncle. hahaas. soo mani steps, like wan4 li3 chang2 chen2 like tt. hahaas. on the way we've got help frm mani ppl. all those we asked were like so nice. so helpful(: on the way to tt park rytes, we spotted a suspicios unattended package. so furni. bi ran was paranoid. kip saying wanna tell da bus uncle, n we did larz. then dere was this old uncle who was like kip looking at us lar. at last we got off. manage to reach skul at 2.30 for tt tour guide tok. hahaas. so lame lar. like big sis like tt. -.-" dhen actualii yee hui n me wanna go scrabbles, but couldnt find the place where they were, so at last didnt go lor. sat there n slack n tok larz. so sianz. tml taking report bk le..n last day of skul.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 { 6:14 AM }

had rather boring lessons these few days. hahaas. if not for da preparation for zhong zheng bian bian bian, dhen do dunt noe wat stupid toks loh..bored. we had buskers tuday. vv fun! hahaas. although tomato didnt cum, we haf stand in. hui shan help us in da singing n minyu n hui san like in-charge of collecting the money. hahas. dhen me n hui shan kip singing welcum to my life. was so furni, cuz simple plan sing da song is like kip shouting mahz, dhen i oso learn lor. vv noisy. everyone vv scared of this song larz..cuz it's like so loud, we'r practicalli screaming, not singing in a monotoneli(: i love this song. so nice..muz hear okies? dhen vv furni, bi ran hear "do u ever feel like breaking down," hear until sian liaoz. okies, tml i shall continue my quest on disturbing her cuz tuday she kip "bullying" me. hahaas. u noe da word fei3 bang4..i tink it's called erm..assualt arh? izzit? i dunt noe larz, dhen i sae wrongli mahz..i say until hui3 bang4. it's like..stupid lar okies..i mean i feel so stupid. dhen they heard me right, frm dhen on, bi ran kip mocking at me!! make me feel so stupid. argh..how culd i haf made this mistake. -.-" buskers was damn fun. we managed to borrow a organ frm da music rm. hahaas..at least some accompaniment. not so boring mahz. dhen it's like our "stall" is opp ep. n dhey'r oso singing. i cn say tt, our grp is much noisy. although their whole class came along, but we were more talkative n made more noise dhen dhem. cuz we haf da bond mahz. we sang n some ppl played the organ. so cool larz.we even shot an mtv for ms ang lorx. so lame. n she donated $2. i dunt understand y we had money even. so weird. mayb is the ppl collecting money haf skills. heheex. the earnings all donated to the needy fund. sho happi, we did sth good tuday(: weeh. dhen later almost our whole class was there. at first we wanna sing wat guan1 huai2 fang1 shi4 de, but dhen everyone shy mahz, so no choice lorx. wow..this is such a meaningful day, with our whole class together as one. hahaas. united we stand;divided we fall. hahaas. two more days to the splitting of our class. no more two courage 2005. it's onli the memory tt's left. felt tt tym realli passes vv quickli. frm sec one, i like dunt realli noe the class, to currentli, we'r like on big family. although disputes n fights happen, but the cooperation n bond was there. i'll realli miss this class. the ppl n the feeling of it all. haiz. realli..nth gold cn stay. it'll b the same when it comes to sec 4. the feeling of separation. it's juz part n parcel of life. i trueli nid to adapt!! trueli. we muz wave n say "hi" to each other when we cum across each other okies? remain the same.

Monday, October 24, 2005 { 6:26 AM }

we checked our overall results n overall percentage. haiz..okies lorx. at least got improve le larz. from 64.4 to 67.1. was quite happi with it. i mean i cn get into 8lit i should b happi le. i tink i cn go lar. 8 triple i cant sae, but 8 lit should b can de. yay~ 8lit, here i cum(: my class position improved. although not vv high, but i improved. but i still dunt noe nid to see lao huang not. bcuz i'm exactli in da middle. no.19. so stupid. y cn i b like 17? haiz..hope she say she wanna c the parents of ppl from position 20 n below. dhen dunt c me lar. tml still got dunt noe wat erm..interview for wat stupid racial harmony thingy. i feel so stupid lor. doing all these thing. grr..i hope tml willb a more fun day. tml got like games to play. sports. at least betta.

Sunday, October 23, 2005 { 7:41 AM }

hehex. rather bored, so i decided to blog again. lame eh? hahaas..juz finished bathing. i'm gonna slp earlier. okies. bcuz i dunt wanna make ppl wait for me again tml. i'm not gonna be late. n tml got np. stupid lar. when i was bathing, i spat out a phlegm with like a lot of lines of blood inside it. it's like xue3 si1. oh..i'm worried. m i gonna die or wat? dhey say wat if haf lung cancer dhen will kip coughing n will haf all this thingy one, the blood things. oh no. nvm. it doesnt matter aniwaes(: i feel vv tired. tml getting our overall results. i dunt wish to get the first in position in class, all i wish for is, to be in the top 20 percent in class so tt my mom dunt nid to go visit lao huang. dhen she'll dunt noe say wat things abt me again. tuday vv slack n bored. i dunt feel like going for np tml. haiz. all those ppl who ponned lar. n dhey betta cum ok? if not..hahaas..if not nth lorx..aniwaes is we suffer first mahz..dhey dunt nid suffer as much as we do rytes? dhey dunt cum, we get scolding mahz. stupid isnt it? but one for all, all for one. juz hope we dunt die vv badli. n i'm worried my legs will hurt again. look, the veins r like popping out..so ugli. heheex. in a fews days time 2cr will b splitting. wonder if when we come across each other, will we say hi or not? or will we act strangers? dunt noe..cant say yet. too early. n i trueli wonder who'll b my classmate nxt yr.

Saturday, October 22, 2005 { 11:33 PM }

i mistook sumone good for a bad person. o men. i tink i'm rather rash or..or..should i say...it's bcuz of ____. i tink the way ppl say things cn realli spoil relationship. muz mind the way u tok. yr emothion n the way u put it in. feel vv bad. i said many sorries, but it's of no help. the guilt is not washed. it's still dere. i'm sorrie. i'm rash. grrr..too rash. i hate it. does it mean all arians r rash n like niu2 pi2 qi4 like tt? o mien. i sux lor. kip feeling bad this few days. i suddenli like simple plan de welcome to my life. suddenli feel it's vv nice. juz spell out my life. the way ppl treat me. cn i not feel left out? i dunt tink we belong in dere. the way things r made n this n that. will dere b anione who'll b saying "welcome to my life to me?" nobody understands me. i'm on the verge of breaking down, i'm lost, i'm left out in the dark. i dunt one wat to do. no one's dere to save me. i'm afraid i'm falling again. i promise i'll neva slack again. i muz get into 8lit. muz. he. wat a sunday morning. went swimming n dhen had guzheng later at one. haiz. bored day.

Friday, October 21, 2005 { 6:00 AM }

was rather pissed with sumone, but tink again, i tink we should go understand the whole truth. cuz juz now i was like reading the newspaper abt the horoscope thingy, dhen they were like saying, undrstand the whole truth b4 saying tt someone is wrong. i feel rather guilty. did i do sth wrongli? mayb tt will cuz a friendship to b gone? i muz find out the truth. mayb it's not wat we all tot it was. okies. i'm sorrie. for being so rash. i should b more like..rational. yep, tt's the word. i'll not b so rash nxt tym(: tuday had np. was so tiring. i couldnt stand it. i was a bit feverish n dhen almost vomitted during the amazing race briefing. dhen my tongue had cramp cuz i couldnt vomit but felt like vomiting..vv uncomfortable. sho i forced lar. in the end, my tongue cramped. walao. nvm. went np staright away, but cuz i'm not feeling well so i onli changed into mufti. hahas. sho happi. but i realli was sick okay? hahaas. yep. drill like siao. our squad came onli abt 10 ppl lor. so pathetic. they wanna run the canal, but when ask who didnt eat lunch, all of us xcept for lucus raised up their hands. yep. so jasmine nco went to buy us a burger. borrowed money from jon sir larz. still havent return.during pt, i tot was running canal, but in the end, onli around the skul, but i still falled out. cuz i cough mahz..got breathing difficulties. yep. after tt tot got masters, but in the end got a talk by mr kwek. we were like standing dere n he kip toking. haiz..in the end my leg cramp lar. he say dunt noe wat, our squad the attendence vv low n stuffs like this. say wat the unit will fall in our hands. hahaas..the unit's fate is in our hands to destroy. i mean..dunt scold us lar. we'r the ones who came lehs. wanna scold go scold those who didnt cum lorx. dunt scold lar..muz make dhem understand. u tell us oso no use cuz we cant do anithing. tie them up n bring them to np mehs? no rytes? make them understand the reason bhind all this. haiz. now my leg vv pain. cramp lorx. later put it into warm water dhen let all the veins, arteries and capillaries relax. heheex. tuday the lessons all vv slack. first we got briefed on zhong zheng bian bian bian. yep. quite bored. yep. later got science. i got one marks added. hahaas. sho happi, but i nid to get 74 to get an overall A. unless larz. but aniway, i'm happi le. my philosophy of life:
1)life is miserable.
life is foreva so miserable. we cant do the things we want. instead, we haf to do the things ohter ppl want. u may ask me wat kind of reasong i'm tokg, but tt's true. try tinkg abt it when u'r free.
2)nothing gold cn stay-adapted by robert frost.
i guess i haf the same sentiments as him. cuz i like this peom a lot. i'm lurving it. it's so pessimistic abt life. u worked hard for things, but in the end, wat u get? nothing. one day u'll die n everything will b gone. everyone will b sad for u've died, but after a while, wat happens? dhey forget u. yep. the way dallas think so, but bcuz it's going to end after a while, we muz shine. let the light b seen by everyone n leave a memory behind. i finalli understood. i'll neva b sad.
3)watever is worth doing is worth doing well.
watever u tink u want or nid to do, u muz do it with upmost effort, so tt although we'r gone, our memories will kip. i'll do my best from tuday onwards. shine. jia yous.
got baq my art tuday. surprising manz. hehees. the highest tsunami ever gaf me for the days he taught me. hahaas. but my view towards him is still the same. no changes. huang lao shi is so furni. i find out tt actaulli she's nice. i'm the one who juz anihow deduce by one incident. i'm too judgemental. like ponyboy judging too quickli on johnny, like the way socs judge greasers. i muz change myself. i'm too rash n fiery. too judgemental. i muz change. if not..i sux.

Thursday, October 20, 2005 { 6:01 AM }

i vv angry! onli scratch u wat..dhen like sho big deal like tt..u made of gold argh? i accidentalli scratched my maid with my fingernails lar. n she was like, y did u scratch me? n like started to complain abt this n abt tt..she was like sho angry n kip grumbling sae i scratch her. but i haf to do it lorx. she was like doing sth to me oso larz..in hope to defend myself, i had to do it. ok? aniwaes, i've alreadi apologised le, take it or leave it. we muz b forgiving rytes? a small scratch onli mahz? cn deface yr hand mehx? how painful cn it be huh? tell me. petty idiot. tuday went for scrabbles club. sho bored. couldnt get the boards bcuz dava didnt wanna open the doors for us. at first i didnt noe where the venue was, sho i stayed in class, dhen i saw sum familiar ppl walking dwnstairs, sho i asked fish to accompany me upstairs lor. thnx fish(: n dhen saw guo wei larz, dhen went in lorx. vv bored though, cuz we did nothing. absoluteli nth. b okies lar. finalli mustered the courage to tell her everything le. n she was like..huh? no As arh? i say haf..2(: n i anihow juz sae my home econs get A larz..if not i die le.=P

Tuesday, October 18, 2005 { 5:32 AM }

today vv heng. i mean as in..my handphone dropped in a taxi, dhen it was found by this kind soul who brought it with him larz. when i finalli found out tt i've lost it, i decided to call it larz, n it's weird how this man actualli found it. he told us where we could llike collect the handphone n after eating, we went to his office dere larz. at dunt noe wat..market street. singapore warstreet. cool manx. but on the way got nagged by mom larz. told her some of my pathetic results. break the news one by one to her. i feel i've trueli disappointed her. the way alfred disappointed his mother time and again. haiz. i sux lar. tuday mr lee was like telling us abt all the da4 dao4 li3. say wat, no matter wat tml will b a betta day, wat if u ever tot of commiting suicide, juz tink tt tml will b betta. think abt johnny cade, the way he didnt wanna die, but haf to die. i tink, i'm choosing dallas winston's solution of all the probie will b more suitable. mayb tt's the reaon y i admired him loads. muax! i love dallas winston more n more!

Monday, October 17, 2005 { 3:52 AM }

i got baq my piano results. my dreams r dashed. i onli passed..i sux manx. i dunt noe how to say. i practised, i listened, i corrected, i prayed. my efforts had gone down to the drain. i mean. i realli sux larz. cant stand myself. y everyhing bad cums to me like a wave, unable to stop. i bareli passed. i went thru all the trouble to improve my things. scales, pieces, n this is wat i got. n the wost thing is, the xaminer still saed, well done for securing a pass. wat the hell? i'm good at nth. i'm useless. i dunt understand y? i did all these things, hoping tt i could at least clinche a merit. i didnt, n i almost flunk. wat's the problem with me? all my results r bad. not one is good. 105. i hate this no. at least like gif me, 115. i feel sho sad. grief just overwhelmed me, giving me no space to recover. i dunt tink i cn be optimistic le. everytym i tried, sumthing'll just come n destroy the lil happiness in me. it took the lil happiness in me leaving me devoid of happiness. i lack the happiness n cheerfulness others haf. u c in me the dark side of life. it doesnt pay to b good. so wat if u treat ppl well? so wat if u study hard? so wat? u'll onli get bq wat u dunt want. this set back is too big for me. i cant take it. i realli cant. god, where r u when i nided u most? i noe, i'm not worthy for u, but u left me alone. i no longer haf the strenght to carry on. i'ld rather leave this misery n neva to continue it. i haf no confidence, i noe, everything i do, i'll neva succeed. life is miserable. i c no point in being optimistic ever agian. i'm devoid of the lil happiness in me. no longer a happy person. the more i carry on in life, the more i c no point in carrying on. y not just stop here n end this misery? y not? maybe until the day i find the true meaning of life, will i revive. currentli, i'm a life corpse. i'm just living for the sake of living. i might as well b dead..

Sunday, October 16, 2005 { 6:44 AM }

i sometimes feel i'm like the worst person on earth, actualli i'm suppose to b contented with the things i own, but yet again, i grumble. haiz..i noe..i'm suppose to zhi1 zu2, but if u were in my position, u juz couldnt. i'm happi with juz owning all these things, the memories n stuffs. the frienz n things, but there r sum things tt nid perfection. as in, i dunt nid it to be perfect, but at least it muz be brought in a way that i cn accept, no like suddenli shocking me. argh, i cant stand this type of things. nvm. heys, when i grow up n think baq at all these times spent, i guess, i'ld b rather happy n contented, but not now. not right now. tuday is sho boring. spent my time practising my piano n guzheng. i played the bridal march. the married song. hahaas. sho furni. but vv nice. tml holis, but dunt noe how to spent it. going to slack at home. n btw, there's piano lesson tml. haiz. feel sho stressed up these few days. (: muz smile more! i like haf no confidence to face the future. i hav no faith in myself. i noe, the world is full of surprises that awaits us to discover ourselves, but this juz aint suitable for me, u dig? ha. debrief on tues. i'm gonna fail watever paper tt'll b out on tues n start sobbing like a baby. i juz feel like hugging sumone n bawl. non-stop. i mean, wat's the use of hidding yr feelings when it'll hurt u terribly inside? argh. bi ran kip telling me to cry so tt i wont feel bad inside. the more she said, the more i felt like crying manx. it's a nice thing to hav nice frienz ard n it realli make me feel guilty. i didnt treasure them. o mien. i'm mean. i'm a meanie. i sux big time. heys, with u guys ard me, wo3 si3 er2 wu2 han4.

Saturday, October 15, 2005 { 7:02 AM }

heyys ppl, i promise i'll not be a pessimistic person animore. i mean..i'll try. but i dunt gurantee okies? i mean..i dunt wanna continue being pessimistic yeas? cuz it's like i vv pessmistic rytes? sumtyms it's like sho sick, make me feel like johnny cade like tt, sucidal. haiz..cant see the goodness in life though. maybe when i see it, i'll b a betta person? hard to say yea. okies, a whole new mi. no longer the pessimistic theodora, but the new new optimistic theodora. put your hands together to welcum me. the new me. hahaas. but at times, i'll forget tt i'm suppose to b optimistic, n i'll start my pessimistic storiee..life's miserable and stuffs like this. i'm optimistic about life. it brings hope n i hav faith in it. yap, this is my philosophy of life. meowth, tt's right(: heheex. remind me if i dare start all this stupid things again. to all the people who stood by me whenever i'm down: thank you so much for being there when i needed u all the most. to someone who i shouted at during break time: sorrie for throwing my tantrum at u ytd. hahaas..i guess u've known it. nth gold cn stay, n bcuz nth gold cn stay, we should treasure all the nice things ard us b4 they r gone. i knew it frm the start, i knew it. i juz chose to ignore it. i'm runnig away, trying to numb myself. trying to lie to myself. i cant tao2 bi4 foreva rights? i've to face it one day n i tink, this day haf cum. i'm not prepared. i lack courage. learning to stay strong. i'm worried i cant take it, i'll fall. i'll not drown myself n willow in self pity. neva, neva again. i've gotten over it n will hope for the betta. 8lit, here i cum!

Friday, October 14, 2005 { 5:41 AM }

life is so miserable. we just go on n on without knowing wat we want. we do the things we r suppose to do without wanting to do it. understand? i cant stand my chinese results. i noe lar..mani ppl r lower dhen me. okies..mayb u tink i shuld be contented with it. but ya noe how i felt? i was so sad lorx. i wrote as well as i can, but ya noe how much i got? i juz passed! 35/70. last time i li2 ti2 dhey oso gaf me 35, dhen now i didnt li2 ti2 yea..n this is wat they gaf me. i vv sad u noe? cant stand it. the heat; the pressure. i cried. i tot i'ld do well. juz like wat bi ran saed when she got baq her history. i studied. i studied vv hard. i dunt noe..i studied until i got headache, n i got this. is it fair? it's unfair! i noe i'm not suppose to conplain, but if u were me, i feel that i ont onli disappointed my family n myself too. oh mien..both my language not good. dhen o levels how? sure die larz. i sux. i noe i sux..i'm the most pathetic person on earth. i've got nth tt's good. eng was ok ok lorx. now i feel like crying again. haiz..went out with hui shan, minyu, bi ran n yee hui. hahaas..okies. planned to watch skeleton key de, but dhen in the end sth happened so we changed to the wig. later cuz the timings all not suitable for us, so we decided to go n watch skeleton key. but onli got the first row availible, sho we changed agian lar. in the end we watched red shoes. nc16 de. hahaas. i n minyu looked like kiddos lorx. i still wore giordano kids the t-shirt lorx. ok, but we managed to get in lar. while waiting we went to take neos. sho furni. when we went in rytes, this couple sitting at the door there kip "shh..shh" like tt. make all the noises. i dunt noe larz..cuz we juz got in mahz..dunt noe where to sit wat, sho..ya larz, make a bit of noise. a bit onli. they sho irritating cans? during the movie, the 2 person bside me vv scared. i tink they dunt even dare to watch lorx. hahaas.i shant sae who they r larz, but they vv cute! "the popcorn vv nice..the popcorn vv interesting." heehex..yap. half way thru, the handphone of tt man of couple who "shh..shh.." like tt started to ring. the ringtone sumore is jay chou de lorx. dhen i was like sayin,"huh? the movie got this sound meh? huh? scary movies oso got jay chou de song leh." dhen minyu was like..he called us to kip quiet, dhen he himself sho noisy.haiyoh. yap.later we went home. on the way i saw celeste on the bus. hahaas..went home together lorx. wat an interesting day, but oso a vv bad n unlucky day. i realli wish my maths n science will b higher lorx..it's realli miserable. but nevamind. no matter wat, we muz jia yous. treat this as an xperience. god sent down every xperience as a present for us sho that we'll be able to learn from it. i noe, but i'm not optimistic abt the future. i muz learn to be optimistic. (: juz do it! i cn do it n i will do it de!

Saturday, October 08, 2005 { 7:27 PM }

i studied science the whole day, tuday n ytd. wow..sho headache ya noe? i didnt noe tt studying vv hard cn cause serious headache! haiz..ate panadol, but it's like i'm suppose to eat 1 whole thing n then my maid dunt let me eat one whole one. instaed i onli eat 1/4 of it. not even effective. no effect. haiz..i vv worried abt tml's science cuz i haf to like get erm..74 to be able to get an overall of like 70.1 for total. sho i muz pia..i muz mug. but i realli didnt xpect it to be sho headache. i'm hafing a headache AGAIN. but nvm, for the sake of my results, no matter how headache, i'll oso study! okiez..i tink i betta carry on studying my science. wish me best of luck yeas? heheex..i'll end this post with a peom.

now i'll tell u wat i did for u
50 thousands tears i've cried
screaming deceiving and bleeding for u
your body was usually there
but heart, soul and mind lost
never once did you mean it
the promises once made to me
i'm going under
drowning in you
i'm falling forever
i've got to break through
scream at me I'm so far away
i won't be broken again
i've got to breathe I can't keep going under
it's nice to noe tt u were dere
thanks for acting like you cared
thanks for watching as i fall
it's nice to know we had it all
but no i need u no more
don't want your hand this time
i'll save myself
maybe i'll wake up for once
not tormented daily defeated by you
just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
i'm dying again

Saturday, October 01, 2005 { 5:15 AM }

i seriousli hate lao huang ya noe? she is sho idiotic cans? hate her!! i alreadi tucked in liaoz..onli one button out. dhen why still ask me to wear me clothes prpoerli. i alreadi did it liaoz lorx. dhen hohr, mani others oso didnt wear it properli wat, y me? y muz call me? my name vv nice izzit? or u onli recongnize me huh? crazy! okies. exams on friday was horrendous. my chinese was like..erm. i didnt write well larz. miised out sum points when i heard bi ran saying it. argh..i'm simpily lan4. english was okies larz..but i still vv scared. i wanna get an a for either english or chinese. either one will do, but obviousli i hope it'll be for chinese larz, cuz my chinese has always been much betta dhen english de. but after this, i tink, i cant. haiz..i alreadi ren4 ming4 liaoz. tuday went baq tuu skul for maths remedial. i wasnt listening the whole time larz..reading the bk i borrowed from si min- da vinci code. heheex..vv interesting. i was like..my eyes were stuck to it. later me n bi ran were discussing the events inside the bk. was like a bit digusting. after remedial, we went baq to class to get our things. i got my history. i found out we wasnt prepared for history eoy. it's like we werent even given the notes for chpt 12 onwards. how to study? tell me larz. the gates on sat are usualli locked. dhen we were like maze like tt. going everywhere to find for the exit. hahaaz..fun larz. later we went out thru lt. ms ang was like calling us to b fast cuz she wanna lock the door liaoz. i tell u, i guess i'm in love with leonardo da vinci. he's like so cool cans? he believe that a human soul could not be enlightened unless it had both male and female elements. oh men..sho nice. he's a homo lehs(: i tink. in the bk larz. hehees..i oso haf one for ppl who wanna play. decode this:
y u vie loo?
hahas..wanna noe the ans? ask me.